the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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