the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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