I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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