My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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