You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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