What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
