if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
