I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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