He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
