The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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