is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
