I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
