THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
