I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
