Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
