4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize