Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
