I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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