guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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