Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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