just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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