I think I died a long time ago.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
