3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
