i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
