I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
