Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
