grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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