This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
