why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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