Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
