I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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