Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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