my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize