i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
