with your own penis?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
