wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
