booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
