I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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