tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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