1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
