I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
