Do you still have your period?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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