Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
