ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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