i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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