those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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