Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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