I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
