I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
