No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
