Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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