Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
