No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
