Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
