apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
