Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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