His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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