I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
