I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
