just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
