I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
