she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Mom said you looked used
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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