there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Found the puke drawer
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize