the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
