I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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