The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
