you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
