It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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