My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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